Birthdays always make me reflect — not just on how much life has changed, but on how my mind has. How I love to invest in my mind!
This year, I’ve been thinking about two quiet traps that steal our ability to live fully: the “If Only” and “What If” traps.
They’re quiet thieves of joy — and almost everyone falls for them.
For now, let’s talk about the If Only trap.
There’s a story about a woman who spent years saving to buy her dream car — the one she believed would finally make her feel accomplished.
And yes, she did it. She saved up, bought the car, and was super excited. She felt fulfilled.
When she finally drove it home, she felt that rush of arrival.
But within weeks, her brain adjusted. She started thinking, “Maybe I need a bigger house now.”
That’s how the If Only Syndrome works — it moves the finish line every time you cross it.
It’s that voice that says,
“If only I had more money…”
“If only I met the right person…”
“If only I felt healthier, happier, more confident…”
Psychologists say this pattern keeps the brain in a loop of postponed contentment — always tying happiness, peace, and fulfillment to something that hasn’t happened yet.
Research even shows that about 80% of our thoughts drift away from the present moment. No wonder happiness feels out of reach for so many people.
I’ve learned not to postpone contentment. To a great deal, I’ve moved past the “If Only” trap — that quiet voice that convinces us that happiness is always one step away.
I’ve learned that peace doesn’t come from achieving; it comes from noticing what’s already here.
So, I choose daily to live in the present.
So this birthday, I’m not making a wish.
I’m making a re-decision — to stop postponing joy, to continue noticing the life I’m already in.
Because peace isn’t waiting somewhere in the future — it’s right here, in the present moment, available to anyone who chooses to see it.
If you’ve been living in the If Only loop, maybe this is your reminder to pause, breathe, and find something good about now.
Your life doesn’t have to be perfect to be peaceful. And in many ways, that peace is in your hands.
Your turn: What’s one small thing you can appreciate about your life today?
Share it — write it down, say it out loud, or leave it in the comments.
Rooting for you, always.
